“SHHHHHHHHH….”

 

“Year 26 of our dire search for the home of this amulet the priests of Kragon herald as the final light before the prophecy completes its final cycle and brings upon us the end of time and all good and god-fearing things all good men and elves embrace. I fear mostly that the truest evil lays within our ranks. The name Ebin is spoken in secret, a man of ill ambition or the land of origin of that our named scholar has adopted in disguise of an effort to embrace an evil before a band of religious zealots that are apt to embrace all things unholy. I fear the greatest evil now approaches from within our ranks and I fear for our quest. The evil, while more than a mild disruption, lays its sordid agenda amongst us. I fear when it may finally speak—”

 

“Why should we be shushing when nearly every one of these old goats is so close to stepping out I can’t believe the clerics aren’t here making some coin just reviving them by the hour. You know what I think? I’ll tell ya what I think. These chairs are like an Eighth Age Hall of Torture. All we’re missing is two trolls, an ice pick and some feathers. Aside from that I think they should toss me some coin just to keep these ogre-buzzards from drooling puddles about their books. Reminds me of Harland Sweetbush, right, where’d he get that family name?, he used to drool every and each day in Master Torkan’s lecture. I say it’s cause they kept us in school too long but I have to admit, working in the fields or learning to play the lute was not a difficult choice. We ended up playing for the school mistress, Lady Farhar, you wouldn’t want to say her name wrong, and if we sang well enough she’d let us perform at the States. The States was her name for parties to drink at heavily and the best part of Sweet’s class was full access to the harvested crops that took well to a pipe if you know what I mean. Lacy Popanogh, did me and the Hobbits remember her!”

 

“What!”

 

“Yup, that’s what we called her. W-A-T. Wide As Tall. She had the boobs and the Hobbit buttbushka that made me play like I couldn’t hold my breath long enough, if ya know what I mean.”

 

“My ear wax, fly along and fetch it. Go bird.”

 

“I can’t hear you, Horn. Are you talking to that bird again? What’s his name and why won’t you tell me?”

 

“You know, Neb, that in my day, Hobbits worked in the fields and were highly regarded for their tiring labor. They could walk in the grooves of planted crops and harvest potatoes without as much as taking a crick in their spine. As a community, they were well respected.”

 

“Y’know, just because you’re old doesn’t mean you should talk down to me. Oh, I get it, I’m two hens tall. Very funny. And that reminds me, I like Palor as much as the next guy who knew Hobbits that worked in the fields, but I have to say, some of those Preist-VERTS in the temples, not real comfortable with the way they scope my action, if ya know what I mean. Yes, I know as well as all of us know, Hobbits are different and really might satisfy some nasty and vile—”

 

“Dammit Neb!…I…I…I need to visit the jakes again.”

 

“Again? Just as we’re finally approaching progress in our time together. Fine, I’ll find someone to escort you. Hobbits most certainly don’t help five hen height wizards in lifting their cloaks. Like I told you the first time, if I’m helping an elder Hobbit lift his cloak, I’m looking over his shoulder. If I help you lift your cloak…well, I’m not lookin’ over yer shoulder!”

 

 

“Lord Neb.”

 

“How many times and how loud must I whistle to get your attention, UNDER Librarian?”

 

“While once would be far too much as we ARE in a library, I would suggest in the quite near future that you take to your Hobbit feet and seek out assistance for your friend as he should REQUEST it.”

 

“Oh, I get it. Now it’s MY fault this place is forty years past breathing and by softening their slow and pitiful demise with a startling and shrill whistle, I suddenly have to accept the role of usurper.”

 

“YOU have to be far more behaved…Lord Neb.”

 

“Why…why…that’d be finer than FROG HAIR!”

 

“SHHHHHH!”

“Shhhhhh!”

“Shhhhh!”

 

 

“Don’t look over your shoulder, Bule, he’ll only follow if he smells deceit.”

 

“He is exigent, Barnaby. That I must play the part of Under Librarian just to keep him from speaking to me for lengthy times is more of a challenge than I assumed. And I have such little patience for the little people as it is.”

 

“Their height is a constant cry for attention, I’ll agree, but I only ask for enough trips to the jakes to allow me the uninterrupted time I need.”

 

“How long must you keep him here?”

 

“I have what I need, I placed it at the bottom of what I’m searching so I can pull it up and we vacate at my call once we have what we need. So have you finished? My Spell Books and Journal?”

 

“Yes, I must ask you of that. The Spell Books are well received, Mr. Horn, and I believe we can help you with at least one or two spells in our exchange. But I need to know, this avatar that visited your…band. Tell me more of this.”

 

“It’s as it was wrote. Quite the hearty and robust lads that they are. Young as spit and twice as wise. I do try to appease their restless nature at every turn, but when this avatar arrived I can only admit to not feeling the same overwhelming desire to touch my toes as the rest of them.”

 

“But it was an Avatar. An Avatar of Pelor!”

 

“Yes, yes. I suppose it was. But you must remember, I am not a young man. I’ve bowed without question to power and authority before when my beard was not of such great length. Far more powerful than a glowing revelation and from that I spent nearly fourteen years in my small tower as the old crone I was force to marry was unable to take to the stairs like any self respecting wildebeest would be expected to. If it wasn’t for foul weather and a healthy bit of needed sleep for her father’s guard, I never would have escaped with my turned ankle after leaping from the third window in that cursed tower.”

 

“So, is that why you tolerate such… immoral company?”

 

“Immoral, yes. Wet behind the years, most certainly. But you must realize, traveling alone while attempting to turn about the world is not a lightly taken venture. You need the young and inspired about you. They know nothing of long life so they value you it not at all. Granted, that leaves me about like a sack of old rags far too much, but the gods preserve what they don’t wish to have about.”

 

“I am afraid that it will not get less complicated, Barnaby Horn. This was delivered today by a trusted courier.”

 

“Hear ye, hear ye…does that still garner the attention it used to? A remarkable likeness, though I must say they make me look absolutely aged. At least they wish me alive. I suppose we’ll see how well that fares. While I must commend them for their efforts, it will be best not to show the hobbit, he’ll only gather our youngsters to forge back to where we came from and detach heads from swords we’ve no business busying ourselves with at the moment.”

 

“They would forge back into Treyfall?”

 

“Into the governor’s house itself. No home is entirely safe with them about and a spark of a golden messenger planted firm where they sit doesn’t help the enemy in the least. I can’t say it hasn’t been wondrous for my studies. Tell me, Bule, what have you found for my search for the Oracle of Ebin? Anything from the past 500 years?”

 

“Your request was sound. And fortunately we have the local monks of Pelor at our charge. Copying script keeps them bringing in a nominal sum to inflate the coffers of their expensive priests and their temples.”

 

“Yes, yes?”

 

“We have just recently received back this…from the monks. The last copy of this book was one-hundred and fifty years past, the timing of the events is vague. But it does mention an Ebin.”

 

“Very well. Stall the Hobbit while I read this over.”

 

“Stall him? Stall him…how?”

 

“Whatever you fancy. I would toss him from the window. But be prudent in your approach, he’s one of those cleva’ Hobbits. Not easily distracted, but quite easily interested in a band of goblins setting up a symphony just outside…should you wish to be creative. Just tell him I’ve a touch of incontinence and will be a few minutes more. If you truly wish him to leave the building, tell him I’ve asked for his help in the jakes. You’ll not see him again before tomorrow.”